How to love a woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze, and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

~ Bob Marley

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Blog name change!

Previously:  Being 28

That can only mean one thing…

♪ ♫ Joyeux anniverssaire, Parabéns, feliz cumpleaños, สุขสันต์วันเกิด, geseënde verjaarsdag, 생일 축하, xronia polla, སྐྱེས་སྐར་ཉིན་བཀྲ་ཤིས་བདེ་ལེགས།, buon compleanno, 祝你(or 我)生日快樂, maligayang kaarawan, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!  ♬ ♩

A thing to note about me.. my birthday lasts 36 hours.  It’s only fair as it has to cover all the time zones I’ve lived in  😉

My last full year of being in my 20’s.  I was originally going to write a little piece reflecting on my last 29 years, but then that makes it seem like I’m saying goodbye to my “youth”, whereas what I should be embracing my future, blessed for every nanosecond of my life.

Thank you God, for every single person, and every single thing in my life.  My family, N, my friends.  For all those who are in my life, and for those who used to be part of it.  Thank you for past every moment, and for all those yet to come.

Be present

I took a seminar a few years ago with a good friend of mine, and one of the main mantras the presenter kept repeating was, “Be Present.

I think that is so relevant, especially now since most of us have become so dependent on technology.  Waiting for the bus?  Pull out your Blackberry to BBM your friends, catching up on the latest news since you last spoke the night before.  On a train?  Watch movies or shows on your laptop to pass the time with laughter, rather than boredom.  Stuck in traffic?  Turn to your iPhone to post an angry update via Facebook about how stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

I’m guilty of all of the above and more.  We don’t take time to appreciate the moment anymore.  Last night while lying in bed trying to sleep, my mind was wandering down Thinking Too Much Lane.  Stepping foot back into the office after having been away for 3 weeks (horror!), how I have a new beautiful iPhone 4s waiting for me at home when I get back (an early birthday gift from my parents – YAY!!), planning our trip to the US for my friend’s wedding in September, visiting both Georgia and NYC (first time bridesmaid!).. My mind just wouldn’t stop!

Then it hit me.

I was in a warm bed, cuddled next to N, staying in a lovely house in the mountains of Lozere, France.  France!  I also have to highlight “cuddled next to N” because it’s not something he and I can take for granted, having been in a long distance relationship for most of our almost 2 years and 2 months together.  Our trip has given us 3 beautiful weeks together.  That’s the most time we have had with each other EVER since the start of our relationship.  I should be relishing in this time, feeling lucky, NOT anxious about things that haven’t even happened yet!  I brought myself back to the present, to the moment, listening to N’s heartbeat, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, and I slowly drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of his breathing.

I am reminded of this now, while on a 2.5 hour bus ride from Lozere to Clermand Ferrand.  If I was lost in my iPhone, or watching Modern Family on my laptop, I’d be inexcuseably missing out on the beautiful sights this part of the country has to offer.  The snow capped mountain tops, partially frozen rivers, horses standing valiantly upon white fields, long icicles hanging delicately from cliffs, small clusters of towns spread scenically over the landscape

Gorgeous.  Seeing and appreciating all this, with N sleeping in the crook of my elbow.

(Yes, he’s passed out.  He can sleep in any position, and it never ceases to make me chuckle.  This is one of the less entertaining ones, but I still couldn’t resist taking a photo).

If you look at the bigger picture, all those moments add up.  Look at how much we can, and do miss out on.  You can put a pause on technology, but no matter how advanced we get, we can’t ever put a pause on time.  We need to learn how to be present.  To be with, and live in the moment.  To appreciate where we are, who we are with, and what is happening right then and there.  This reminds me of another mantra that should we should all remember.  “This too shall pass.”  Whether things are great, or they could be better, the moment, and everything encompassing this moment, will pass.

So bring your eyes up, tune your brain to now, your senses, and release yourself to the moment.

(A side note:  I know it’s ironic of me to be typing about losing out on living in the moment, while on a bus, but when you get hit with the inspiration to write, you just gotta roll with the punch.  I’m going to stop now though because starting to feel ill from motion sickness, and I still have a 4 hour train ride to tackle after this.)

Love in an Email

“I know that I’m not easy, not easy to understand, not easy to bear, not easy to listen to, etc… but you try to overcome all that.

I want you to know that is not in vain. At the end of each day when I close my eyes and I complain about everything and about how miserable my life is, a blink and I realize how lucky I’m to one day had met you, one thought of you by my side makes me forget everything, I just thing of you laying next to me every day for eternity and I fall asleep.

My only struggle is that I want you so badly. I want you next to me, I want to share my life with you, I want to share every day and every moment with you, I want us to grow together… right now. But I can’t, there’s nothing I can do to make it happen. FRUSTRATION< MADNESS.  I need to ear your voice, I need to smell your fragrance, I need to feel your silky skin, I need to make one with you.

That is the only thing that makes me go mad and create all kind of odd situation between us me wanting you by my side but not being able to. I don’t know how to deal with that, I’ve been spoiled, for few years I did and I got what I wanted when I wanted so this situation it’s very hard for me to handle. I’m sorry you are the one suffering because of it. I’m already breaking my promess to  always make you happy no matter what.

I’m so sorry for making your life difficult instead of making it easier and happier. I hope in time I’ll make it up for it, I’m not sure if you’ll be happy with me or if I can make of you the princess you deserve to be. One thing is sure, since the day I kissed you, you haunt my mind and heart, my only goal since then is to make you happy and being happy because I’m doing so. So far I’m failing, the distance is not an excuse, maybe my frustration, my weakness, my fears, my ghosts,… are a possible reason, but there are no excuses.

From where I come from my only hopes were to survive, to make my mother not worried about myself, my future, to quietly lead a hard life and survive. Instead thanks to a few people I manage to overcome my complexes and do better than survive for the time being… until the day I met you when I felt that the miserable person I’m/was, was becoming the luckiest person in the world. So since then I think that the end is near, I fear the day you won’t love me any more will be around the corner, I fear that you’ll  soon realize you made a mistake and you’ll see you deserve better than me (… and you definitely do), I fear you’ll meet the man you really deserve…

After almost one year my love still growing for you, instead of fading out. It’s the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. For long time I wish I could find the One person I could devote and dedicate my life to, the person that would be my motivation, my inspiration, my reason to be, my reason to settle down and think about the future, making a comfortable and healthy life, growing little angels, building the family I always dreamt of. And with you I found it, I feel so lucky and so greatful for that but every day that passes I feel and think you really deserve better than me, I feel that there is something wrong with the odds, I fear that soon the reason will take over taking you away from me, who don’t deserve you.

My life, my destiny is in your hands, it is all up to you. The place to be, the future the money, the soul, the heart… all. So think wisely, the choices I make and you make for me will write our future, don’t let it be but take it in hand. I’m yours.” — N

France

The one thing that you need the most, that you aren’t able to have in a long distance relationship. I just spent 10 beautiful days with my sweetheart in France – Paris, Nice, and Vence, and one night in London.

He introduced me to his mom, his close friends – most from childhood, and the large French chapter of his life. Everyone was so warm and loved me from the moment they met me because I’m the only one who has ever made him smile the way he does 😀

Prior to my current relationship, I always thought that long distance forced both parties to know each other in ways they wouldn’t normally know each other. What I mean by this, is that you are forced to communicate. You are forced to talk. I thought talking was the only key to making it work. My Mom always stressed how important it is to speak to your partner. To express the things you like and don’t like, and to be open with one another. The only downside to being in a long distance relationship, was the lack of physical intimacy. However, communicative and emotional intimacy would compensate this. Physical attractiveness diminishes over time, but to be emotionally attractive to someone takes constant work and maintenance. I thought that talking was the secret to making it work.

Since being in my relationship, N is starting to show me a different perspective..

Although the distance allows you to grow communicativily (yes, I’m making it a word), it is very difficult to grow together as a couple. When you are together, you are able to use both verbal and physical expression to show the other your love. One action can mean a thousand words. Trillions of words can be spoken within a day of spending time together. You need to see each other other’s expressions, experience new sights and sounds as a couple, learn and talk about the things you are able to go through together. Not just one side talking, the other listening, then SWITCH, the listener talks and the talker now listens. There is more interaction taking place between you two when you are together than you would notice. It’s taken for granted because many of us are blissfully unaware of this. There is nothing wrong with that. You are able to enjoy and live the same moment together. Not just explaining it to the other.

There is a married couple that both my boyfriend and I know, who have issues from time to time – as couples do. A brief background – the first 2 years of their marriage was long distance. It is now that they are getting used to living together in the same apartment. During this time, although they talk and visit, they have grown apart in some ways. He is used to spending his Friday nights out with his boys, and she is used to spending her nights out with her gang of friends. Both know each other’s groups and have spent time with them, but from what we’ve heard, even though the husband likes his wife’s friends and enjoys spending time with them, every time she invites him out, she almost has to go to the bar to drag him out by his boxers to bring him out with her friends. Same with her and his friends (except perhaps not by her boxers). Time apart has affected their growth with each other as a couple. They are too used to living their own lives, but just coming together to share the nights and mornings with one another. That’s no longer sharing a life to me.

I’m happy. I’m grateful for every moment I have with him. Every moment allows us to grow even faster and deeper towards each other. I’m so lucky. For the first time, I really feel like I’m lucky in love ❤

For rainy days

Yesterday

“You have to be happy baby about everything our situation is what it is but life goes no matter what so better with a smile.  SO SMILE 😀 😀 :D”

“The day you make a decision, whatever and whenever that is, hopefully i can look forward to more than spending 1 weekend with you […] Because I “kenlee bedou bedout you” […] You have no idea… Opening the door i wish for you to be there.  Your dress is there.  I put down my keys.  Your hand writing is there.  I grab cold water in the fridge.  Your cake is there.  I go to the rest room.  Your stuff is there.  I watch tv sitting on the sofa.  Your hair is there.  I have a shower.  Your stuff is there.  I go to bed.  Your sweet smell is there… I don’t know if smiling or crying… I’m fataly in love with you.  I don’t want to go there because you are everywhere and i can’t hold you.”

Today

“I’m very sensitive and emotional seeing you leaving me breaks my heart every time. Not because I don’t love you anymore but because you are the woman of my life and you are not with me. So should not let me go distant because all I want is your affection and attention”