How to love a woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze, and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

~ Bob Marley

Advertisements

Distance

Loving him sometimes feels like I’m about to hug a porcupine – blindfolded. I can’t tell whether the quills are up or down – whether he’ll prick me if I come close. It’s so sad that after 2+ years together, I still can’t read him. I wish we hadn’t been separated so early, for so long. There’s so much we could have had by now. It breaks my heart to think of how much we don’t.

Blog name change!

Previously:  Being 28

That can only mean one thing…

♪ ♫ Joyeux anniverssaire, Parabéns, feliz cumpleaños, สุขสันต์วันเกิด, geseënde verjaarsdag, 생일 축하, xronia polla, སྐྱེས་སྐར་ཉིན་བཀྲ་ཤིས་བདེ་ལེགས།, buon compleanno, 祝你(or 我)生日快樂, maligayang kaarawan, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!  ♬ ♩

A thing to note about me.. my birthday lasts 36 hours.  It’s only fair as it has to cover all the time zones I’ve lived in  😉

My last full year of being in my 20’s.  I was originally going to write a little piece reflecting on my last 29 years, but then that makes it seem like I’m saying goodbye to my “youth”, whereas what I should be embracing my future, blessed for every nanosecond of my life.

Thank you God, for every single person, and every single thing in my life.  My family, N, my friends.  For all those who are in my life, and for those who used to be part of it.  Thank you for past every moment, and for all those yet to come.

Love in a text

“I’m realising that work it’s important but without you I have no balance anymore.  You are my soulmate and you are more important than anything else.  I love you.  With you I’m a much better person and I thank you for that, really” ~ N

N usually uses actions to show how much he cares, but on the occasion that he does write, I can’t help but melt  🙂

Love in an Email

“I know that I’m not easy, not easy to understand, not easy to bear, not easy to listen to, etc… but you try to overcome all that.

I want you to know that is not in vain. At the end of each day when I close my eyes and I complain about everything and about how miserable my life is, a blink and I realize how lucky I’m to one day had met you, one thought of you by my side makes me forget everything, I just thing of you laying next to me every day for eternity and I fall asleep.

My only struggle is that I want you so badly. I want you next to me, I want to share my life with you, I want to share every day and every moment with you, I want us to grow together… right now. But I can’t, there’s nothing I can do to make it happen. FRUSTRATION< MADNESS.  I need to ear your voice, I need to smell your fragrance, I need to feel your silky skin, I need to make one with you.

That is the only thing that makes me go mad and create all kind of odd situation between us me wanting you by my side but not being able to. I don’t know how to deal with that, I’ve been spoiled, for few years I did and I got what I wanted when I wanted so this situation it’s very hard for me to handle. I’m sorry you are the one suffering because of it. I’m already breaking my promess to  always make you happy no matter what.

I’m so sorry for making your life difficult instead of making it easier and happier. I hope in time I’ll make it up for it, I’m not sure if you’ll be happy with me or if I can make of you the princess you deserve to be. One thing is sure, since the day I kissed you, you haunt my mind and heart, my only goal since then is to make you happy and being happy because I’m doing so. So far I’m failing, the distance is not an excuse, maybe my frustration, my weakness, my fears, my ghosts,… are a possible reason, but there are no excuses.

From where I come from my only hopes were to survive, to make my mother not worried about myself, my future, to quietly lead a hard life and survive. Instead thanks to a few people I manage to overcome my complexes and do better than survive for the time being… until the day I met you when I felt that the miserable person I’m/was, was becoming the luckiest person in the world. So since then I think that the end is near, I fear the day you won’t love me any more will be around the corner, I fear that you’ll  soon realize you made a mistake and you’ll see you deserve better than me (… and you definitely do), I fear you’ll meet the man you really deserve…

After almost one year my love still growing for you, instead of fading out. It’s the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. For long time I wish I could find the One person I could devote and dedicate my life to, the person that would be my motivation, my inspiration, my reason to be, my reason to settle down and think about the future, making a comfortable and healthy life, growing little angels, building the family I always dreamt of. And with you I found it, I feel so lucky and so greatful for that but every day that passes I feel and think you really deserve better than me, I feel that there is something wrong with the odds, I fear that soon the reason will take over taking you away from me, who don’t deserve you.

My life, my destiny is in your hands, it is all up to you. The place to be, the future the money, the soul, the heart… all. So think wisely, the choices I make and you make for me will write our future, don’t let it be but take it in hand. I’m yours.” — N

Boys are stupid

One of my bestest girlfriends from uni wanted to buy this poster for her wall, and no, she isn’t single and is almost engaged to her guy of 7 years. “Boys Are Stupid” will for ever be a mantra that I chant to myself, especially when one exasperates the hell out of me.

I am convinced that there is something in the little leg that is missing from the X chromosome, thus making it a Y chromosome, that makes all boys stupid. Boys Are Stupid. I’m sorry if that offends you, but I have yet to meet a boy (as all members of the male species are so, and will for ever be) who is an exception to this fact. All guys will manage to find that one way to piss us off by being stupid.

You’d think that with age, comes maturity. Turns out, they are mutually exclusive of one another. Being older doesn’t always equal acting older. Some guys even manage to have inverse relationship between these two variables.

Some guys aren’t intentionally stupid. They may genuinely not know how to act or think. I’m talking more about those guys that intentionally try to aggravate us to get a reaction. They do this out of fear, insecurity, boredom, or are convinced they are being clever. For some reason, to these guys, if the fan is spinning and it’s clean, they run around in a frenzy looking for whatever sh*t/dirt/dust to throw at it. Existing or not. It’s as though you running around, trying to keep a clean room isn’t showing them that you care. Looks easy to them because there’s nothing to see. No actual cleaning going on. Just light dusting. Probably looks like lazy work. What they need is proof. Evidence. More action. They need to see you cleaning crap up from this room, sometimes even scrubbing on your hands and knees to show them that you are physically cleaning. The sh*t is needed for extra effect so you can see the before, during, and after more clearly. Light dusting of a white room still maintains the appearance of a white room. Perhaps some sparkles if you look closely (but we all know how boys don’t look closely at things they should be looking at). However, turning a mucky room into a white sparkling room.. now that’s an obvious comparison to them.

Boys don’t understand that it takes consistent effort to keep a room clean. To keep the dust away. It’s so much easier to manage the small things to keep the overall order of everything. Letting mess pile up, or finding trash to throw into this room, to spend your time and effort cleaning from 10 back to 0 takes A LOT of energy. It takes A LOT of heart. It’s draining. But do boys understand this?

No.

Why?

Because. Boys. Are. Stupid.

..…equally as crazy, we always find some way to fall in love with them.

So happy

I really am.  I’m beaming from the inside out 😀  My heart can’t stop smiling, my brain stop thinking about him, and my heart can’t stop missing him.  He was here from one weekend to the next.  A few days before that, I was with him from one weekend to the next, plus a few days, and a week before that, we spent a weekend together.  I’ve been so spoiled and getting used to being with him almost all the time.  I gets harder and harder to part, and I curse the distance more with every “bye” but I know we will be together in the future.  He only gives me confidence when we are together.  I love him so much that my blood is just singing.  I’m truly the luckiest person in this world.  To be blessed with a family like mine, friends like mine, and a love like mine.  Even though we have our ups and downs, the most important thing I can never forget is that he is doing everything he can to be with me.  He spends time with my parents, both together and one-on-one, he told my Dad he wants to marry me the second time they met, he is spreading the word and his resume to bring himself home to me, he talks about me to everyone and how we both know we will get married to each other, and throughout the fights we have, he is still there.  He hasn’t walked away.  Despite what he says some times, his actions show that he is here.  For me.  For us.  I’m so so so lucky.