Loving him sometimes feels like I’m about to hug a porcupine – blindfolded. I can’t tell whether the quills are up or down – whether he’ll prick me if I come close. It’s so sad that after 2+ years together, I still can’t read him. I wish we hadn’t been separated so early, for so long. There’s so much we could have had by now. It breaks my heart to think of how much we don’t.
It sucks to fight when neither one of you seems to understand the other. I’m at a loss at how to solve the problems because I’m not sure if the method isn’t working, or whether I’m even understanding the directions behind implementing the method?
A scenario if I may… You are presented with a problem. Problem A. You thought that the solution to A was B. So you do B. Apparently, when left to your own devices, you find out you may be problem-solving challenged. After much difficult confusion, you asked how to solve A and was answered with solution C. If you’re given the straight answer, then it shouldn’t be wrong. Especially when the person who answered it gave you the equation. So the route to solving A is C. So logically, when A becomes an itch, C is the cream.
Thing is, after applying, re-applying, and re-re-applying C, you come to find that A hasn’t healed. Maybe you heard the wrong. So you ask again. Yup, you did. Because what you thought was C was actually D. Close, but not the same. So you change your equation. D fixes A. Can’t be wrong now.
But over time, you find out that you are. But you don’t want to ask again, so maybe it’s a mix of B and C, and it wouldn’t hurt to try a little D right?
But it does hurt. Again. Because A is still there, itchy, red, stinging, crying to be shown some TLC. You fight the feeling of feeling stupid, so you ask again. This time you hear E. Or was it F? Doesn’t matter. You do E, F, some C, a bit of D, give G and H a go, even try I, and just to make sure, a pinch of B just to make sure you cover your bases. You must have gotten one of them right, right?
Nope. Instead, you’ve now irritated it even further. Apparently A is allergic to all those things, or immune because it’s now writhing in pain. The wound is now raw, bleeding, screaming for the love and care that you just can’t seem to give it!
Then after several more consultations because you’re at a complete loss, you don’t even know what the problem is anymore. Did he say A? Or L? Or was that an R that just rolled off his tongue? Or a strange pronunciation of W and X? Wait, was that a 3?? How did 9 get in here? When did we jump into numbers?? Then you remember him telling you before any of this happened..
He’s never known what an itch felt like.. so, how would he know the remedy to treat something he’s never experienced?
Or is that also another wrong answer?
… help …